May 31, 2007

Thank's Ace, Now I hate Rachel Lucas too.

LauraW actually posted the comment, so kudos to Laura.


And there's the actualy post by Ms. lucas herself.

I just want to take the time to make my own list of things that women can do to not screw up any relationship that -they- might be in. Because, if you look at the divorce rate and the cause of the rise, women are pretty much the *bleepin* problem when it comes to relationships these days.

1. Do not assume that your man is an idiot. - I cannot stress that enough. If you are one of those chicks who constantly think that men are nothing but slobbering animals then I can assure you that you will be single most or all of your life. Men sense "Man-Hate" and will snuff it out of their lives in whatever fashion they need too. This includes leaving your whiny, complaining, hyper-opinionated arse on the side of the road somewhere.

2. Do not continuously say things that start with "I wish" - Honestly, no man cares what you wish would happen. Women constantly assert their wants and needs through a series of cryptic "I wish" comments that serve no purpose other than grating on the mans last nerve until he either snaps or does what is wanted out of the sheer nescessity of keeping themselves sane. "I wish you had abs like him", "I wish you were a little bit more thoughtful", "I wish you were a little more in tune with my feelings." Oh yeah? Well, I wish you would dress up like a cheerleader and do routines for me everytime my team makes a touchdown during the season.

3. Do not complain when the man chooses a place to eat that you do not like when he has given you every chance in the world to pick the restaurant yourself. - There is not one man, whom has ever dated, that has not run in to this issue.
Man: Where would you like to eat honey?
Woman: Ohhh, i don't care...you pick.
Man: Oh, we both know thats not true. Just pick a place.
Woman: Ohhh, you pick. I can't decide.
Man: Ok, well then we'll just eat <insert restaurant name>
Woman: Whatever....just eat there.
Man: *Bwuh?*
If you wan't to assure yourself that you and he will both be argueing by the end of the night then by all means....go right ahead and be fickle.

4. If you have children: Do not expect your new man to immediately love your children. Chances are...he doesn't. - If your dating a man who has no children and you, the woman, have already had a child or two then it is bad form to think that this new man should immediately love your little rug rats. Especially if your children are of the "insanely overactive" variety. Men like peace, tranquilty, and alone time in their courtships. If you throw a kid in the mix then expect to have issues. Some men will look at this a chance to win over your heart, but many will just look at this as a wall between you and them. Remember, Guys' want to date -you- and not your entire family.

5. Publicly patronizing a man will ruin your night. - You and your girlfriends might think it overly cute to talk about your guy like he is some 5 year old floating through life as you know it, but that slight chuckle and nervous look he might get doesn't mean he thinks your little action is cute. Oh no, it means that anything worthwhile that he might have had planned has just been cancelled and your butt is eating at McDonalds.

6. Sex isn't always about you. - It's not. Really. I shouldn't have to explain why it isn't considering the obvious, but "you're not the only ones present during the act". So, how about showing your men some special attention for all the hard work their doing trying to jump through hoops for you ladies.

7. If you act like a whore then your going to be treated like one. - Face it! If men know of your promescuity then they will treat you exactly how you've been acting. If you walk around showing it all off like your waiting for your chance to be on the next Girls Gone Wild video then you can pretty much bet that the guy will just assume your not exactly the one to "bring home to show off to the parents"

8. Do not mention anything feminist or feminist driven in your opinions. - I know I know....the feminist movement was such a good thing back in the sixties (I think) but men didn't want to hear about it then and they really don't want to hear about it now. Men and Women are different and most Men, unlike the feminazi's today, realize this. There is nothing worse than being out at a dinner and having some woman start spouting off about the oppresive patriarchy that is the world today.

9. Men don't really care about your friends. - We don't. We want to date you, but not your friend who you've known since second grade. Unless she's hot and nicer than you. Then we might want to date her instead.

10. Do not complain about a man's home. - Men can be sloppy. Except those metrosexual types, but those aren't really men anyways. It's not that we are slobbish or anything...it's just that we procrastinate alot. Before you entereted in to that world that the man has kept so seperate from you it was a quiet and safe place for him. If you criticize the mans home then you are criticizing him and you, who should be thankful that he actually took the time to try and court you, will probably find yourself on the fast track back to single life.

11. Lastly, if you have an opinion please remember that it's probably best that you never ever ever say it aloud. - Not that women shouldn't be allowed to speak their mind or anything. I like a woman who is firm in what she believes, but many times the woman will try to assimilate you in to switching your firm belief in to one she deems acceptable. This is an experiment that every woman has tried and failed to perform. Men are men and women are women. You cannot change a man's mind just to suit your vision of what you feel that man should be.

The moral of this list? Well, that's up for you to find. I'm sure that any woman that comes across this list will think i'm some sort of patriarchal tyrant, but my wife would be quick to disagree with you. Now, go out there and have fun. Oh, and Ms. Lucas? How about trying to date the old fashioned way and quit trying to find love through your computer screen. It's been shown that actual physical interaction shows the best results.

Posted by: NthPower at 07:26 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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